One of the things that’s struck me about being in Nigeria is how transactional male-female relationships can be. In Abuja where I’ve spent the most time, bars, clubs, the regular streets and even dating apps are filled with women who either want to give you a ‘massage’ or are okay with going back home with you, for a fee of course. If you ever have a one night stand, don’t be surprised when there’s a bill in the morning.
In actual relationships, there’s the expectation of provider(read as bill payer) role to be played as part of courting. Paying for women’s expenses, even their transportation to first dates is common, sometimes outrightly demanded. Some men put partners they have no legally binding relationship yet with, on a monthly allowance. It’s not one sided at all though, there’s a healthy supply-demand interaction going on here. From the word on the street, women get directly propositioned all the time for money by ‘bold Abuja men’.
However you slice it, dating and relationships cost money but the hope is always that the benefits outweigh this cost. When it becomes so transactional though, my question is do you really want to keep “paying-as-you-go”? It’s another reason why strip clubs never appealed to me - even harmless conversation loses its fun when you know that the main thing sustaining the interaction is the received funds, or prospect of it from your wallet, and it’s less about you as a person.
If all a man’s appeal is his wallet, then what use is there for any specific man? All men with the same wallet size would be interchangeable. While a lot of it has to do with the economic state of things where there’s just a lot of hungry people, some of it is probably cultural, and that’s something I want to look into more. In all this I wonder, how do men who aren’t financially stable even cope?