What makes a man, a man?
Is it his muscles, money, or motion?
When this came up in conversation with friends a few weeks ago, I pointed out that in today’s world - at least in our demographic - lots of women were doing just as well, mostly even better than their male peers.
Outside the limitations of an overly patriarchal society like Nigeria, there are fewer barriers on anyone’s earning potential just because they are women.
So essentially, men have to get comfortable with the possibility that our woman could make more than us at some point, even if it doesn’t start out that way.
This shatters the cookie cutter expectation of a man to be ‘a provider’. Don’t get me wrong, a man’s responsibility is first to his family, but let’s not limit it to just material provision.
The danger of tying your worth or value solely to material provision is the randomness or fickleness of life. Life is so dynamic that one day you could be the cock of the walk, and the next a feather duster - you could lose whatever fortune you have accumulated, or lofty position.
Listening to a similar conversation on Ebuka’s mentality podcast recently, I agreed with Seun Kuti’s perspective that in Nigeria, masculinity had been devalued to just accumulation of material possessions, and Banky W’s that men had to find self worth outside their material possessions, or any other external validation.
So as a thought experiment, here are some other things that could be used to measure a man instead of his wallet.
Integrity - does he say what he means and mean what he says? Can you trust his word/actions?
Is he able to speak up and say his mind regardless of who is involved.
Is he kind, fair, and firm as needed?
Does he combine resources creatively, or approach problems expecting to be capable of solving them?
How about saving, long term planning and thoughtful utilization - is he a good manager?
These are arguably all things that can be cultivated regardless of the size of a man’s wallet.
What do you think? What makes a man, a man?