Ableism

It was only after saying out loud “I couldn’t date a disabled person” did it hit me that wow, that was discriminatory, albeit in a personal matter.

Chatting with a Scottish gal recently who mentioned a date with a guy in a wheelchair, I was a bit surprised that she was open to the idea of going out with someone with a disability, especially since they met online where people typically connect off looks and first impressions.

My reasoning was that couples typically are in the same range of attractiveness, and when there’s a striking difference, I assume that those matches probably happened somewhere the less attractive person had more opportunities to show off their personality like school, work, church etc.

She pointed out that even me assuming that a guy in a wheelchair couldn’t be just as attractive as her already said a lot about my underlying views of disablity. Well, touche.

Talking some more about it, we realized that growing up in a developing country skews your view of disability to be something that makes you forever dependent, which can be far from true elsewhere.

Even worse? Understanding that it was discriminatory made me feel very bad, introspect - could there be a fear or disdain for frailty or deformity that needs work, but this didn’t change my position: I still don’t think I could. It wasn’t one of those times when shame prompted change.

Have you ever had an experience that made you confront a not-so-good side of yourself? How did you handle realizing this somewhat unsavory thing?

There are some common reactions. Denial, dismissal, being afraid to think about it, blaming something or someone for it. You could also choose to own it, either in a “that’s just the way I am” sense, or in a way that examines why it’s so as a first step to figure out what you’re going to do about it.

It was definitely an uncomfortable conversation in my mind walking home. Is it even Christian to feel like you can’t date someone for a physical shortcoming? My only consolation is that in all matters of the condition of your heart you can ask your Heavenly Father to help out, and He will.